What it means to be a kid

A year ago when Wayne and I were completing the adoption education course we learned about a number of issues that institutionalized children come out of the orphanage with. There are so many behaviors that are learned growing up in that environment that are detrimental to their development. Even those that come from the best orphanages have behaviors that a child raised in a loving home would not have.

Each day has been a learning experience for Jaymi and I. She is learning what a mother is and it's very clear she loves having a mommy. I am learning how to be a mommy to a little girl that has lived her whole life without knowing there are mommies in the world. She is trying to navigate through this new found freedom as I try and show her the way. My little girl is too perfect. Really it sounds silly, but she has been on such a strict regimen with many rules, that she doesn't know how to be a kid. As the doctor at the exit medical put it, orphanage life is like the marine core, there are vey strict rules and consequences. How else can so few people take care of so many children at once. So our learning process the past week has looked a little something like this.

Vika - "is this okay to do."
Mama - "yes Vika, that's fine"
V - "what about this?"
M - "yep, that's okay too"
V - "okay, what about this?"
M - "no, that is not okay"
V - "are you sure, maybe I'll try again"
M - "no, nyet, that is dangerous"
V - "I don't understand why, so I'm doing it again"
M - "no, no no. Come sit on my lap why I try my best to help you see I mean no. That is dangerous and scary and it can't be done"
V - "okay, I won't do it"
M - "yay Vika!!! Good job, maladietz, horoshow, bolshoi Vika, big girl". I'm a firm believer in positive reinforcements. Even if I only have three Russian versions, I use them with lots of exclamation marks, hugs and smiles.

Becky and I had a good late night laugh the other day about how our kids are so patient with us trying to communicate with them with the few Russian words we know and say incorrectly and the motions we make. I said I probably look like a monkey half the time oooo oohing and ahhh ahhh anhing all over the place. We are ALL learning more and more patients, that's for sure.

It seems to be working, but their are six years of lost time we have to learn about together, so it will take time, and patients and help from heaven, but it will workout. She is such an amazing, loving, beautiful little girl. She has been on cloud nine just living in a hotel room for a week, she has no idea how much better this life gets! I can't wait to be there to witness it all! The world is your canvas little one, you have already painted the most beautiful picture with what you were given. It will only get bigger and brighter from here.

Facebook Post from February 9, 2013.   "I just woke up from a deep sleep, just hours after I drifted off and this song came to my mind. I haven't heard or thought about this song since before I was a mom, probably not since high school. As I listened to it the tears began to stream down my face as I reflect on the past week and the sacred experience I've had of watching these two precious children absolutely embrace their new found freedom to simply "be a kid". When getting Jaymi ready for bed last night I gave her a hug, looked into her big beautiful eyes and told her, "Part of having a mom means you have some one to help you everyday, so if you need help, I'm here for you." Even though she doesn't understand what I'm saying yet, I knew at that moment she knew what I said. Her face lit up, she hugged me back and she let me help her zip up her Jammie's."

I can remember when you fit in the palm of my hand
Felt so good in it, no bigger than a minute
How it amazes me, you're changing with every blink
Faster than a flower blooms they grow up all too soon

So let them be little 'cause they're only that way for a while
Give them hope, give them praise, give them love every day
Let them cry, let them giggle, let them sleep in the middle
Oh just let them be little

I've never felt so much in one little tender touch
I live for those kisses, prayers and your wishes
Now that you're teaching me things only a child can see
Every night while we're on our knees all I ask is please

Let them be little 'cause they're only that way for a while
Give them hope, give them praise, give them love every day
Let them cry, let them giggle, let them sleep in the middle
Oh just let them be little

So innocent, a precious soul, you turn around
It's time to let them go

So let them be little 'cause they're only that way for a while
Give them hope, give them praise, give them love every day
Let them cry, let them giggle, let them sleep in the middle
Oh just let them be little

Let them be little

New Life - Day 8 -February 12th

Paka Paka Russia, until we meet again.

Yes one day I hope to return to Russia with my family. To show them the beautiful city their sister was born in. To let Jaymi visit those that loved and cared for her best they could while she was here.  I hope that when we do, the attitude towards people with special needs has softened and there will be a greater understanding of their value and worth.  I know its not just in Russia that these attitudes exist, there are many people here in the United States that say and do hurtful things towards people with disabilities.  I pray that those of us with children, family members and friends with special needs will continue to educate the world about the love we have for them and their contribution to this world.

This afternoon Becky and I ventured out to Red Square with our kids.  We were able to go with a reporter from Times Magazine.  He was so nice to us and brought the kids gifts, got us a cab to and back, and just visited with us about our experience.  He was born in Russia and his family immigrated to the U.S. when he was a child.  It was so interesting to hear his experience and perspective.  The kids loved seeing the sights on Red Square, it was a great way to spend the last day in Russia.  It was exhausting keeping up with them, but worth it.

Playing peekaboo in the shower curtain

Tickle wars

The view outside our hotel room

New Life - Day 7 - February 11

Today was the big day, the day we completed very last piece of documentation we need to leave Russia with our little ones and return home to our families that we miss so much. Many times in this process I've felt torn between my little girl in Russia and my little girls at home. No matter if I was at home or in Russia, someone was living with out their mom, and that has been hard. I have to remind myself that there are seasons in life and each of these moments have just been for a season and we would one day all unite as a family and stay that way forever. I can relate to the song by Brandi Carlile, Dying Day.

So we started the day early and headed to the passport office to see if the kids passports were ready. Of course they were not. They were waiting on a letter from the Department of Education stating that they were being adopted. Really? Isn't it pretty obvious by now? Any how they hoped they would be done by the end of day or first thing in the morning. They let us take copies of them to the embassy so we could try and finish up everything there as that is the last stop.

While we were leaving the passport office a woman stopped me to say congratulations. I could just see the love in her eyes as she thanked us for what we were doing and for our patients. Then with sadness in her eyes as she apologized for all that her country had put us through to do it. I told her that it was all worth it as I pointed to our children playing on the couch. She told us she wished us all the happiness I the world, and I k we she meant it. Sweet moments like this are so special to us and give us strength to continue the fight, because we know we are not alone, even being so far from home, we are not alone.

So next stop was the Embassy of the United States of America. We have driven past this building time and time again just longing for the day we finally got to enter with our kids and complete this last and final step. Thankfully they were understanding and got right to work on our paperwork. Poor Alla stayed up all night long translating everything for us, that woman is too amazing. So selfless, so humble, so kind.

It was eerily quiet at the embassy because we are quite literally one of the very last families that had court prior to January 1 to leave the country with our children. We did get the presidential treatment and everyone was really nice. When we got to the first window and Alla told them our names the girl said, "oh yes I just read and article about you two this morning in the New York Times."

Then when we moved down stairs we were met by Ryan Haley, the man we hung out with at the inaugural celebration at the Ambassadors home weeks ago. He is the man over the finalization of Russian adoptions here at the embassy. He was so kind to hangout with us the whole time we were down stairs and play with our kids. Then we were met by the embassy photographer. He was really nice and cute with the kids. Gabe was just inthralled with him. As Alla put it, Gabe needs his papa, as does Jaymi. No one gets them laughing as hard as their papas do.

After spending so much time in this building the kids started getting a bit wild and got lots of lessons that we don't run away from mama in public places. I have a feeling we will be working on that one for a while. While we waited we had a visit by our new friend Ambassador McFaul. He took a chunk of time our of his day to come see us off and meet the little children we have fought so long and hard for. He congratulated us and thanked us for our efforts and called us the ambassadors for US Adoptions in Russia. It's amazing what a mother can do for her child. I tell Becky that she is the pretty face and brains and I'm the enforcer. Ha ha. Her husband has come up with quite the nickname for me after all this. I better keep it a secret though ;)

After snapping some photos he gave us his business card and told us to keep in touch. I've already used that invitation to send some information his way for some of our friends caught in this mess that were not as lucky as us to have our court before the ban.

After we got back to our hotel we got an email from Alla that she had the passports and we were really finally going to be able to leave, to go HOME!!!

We then met with an NBC correspondent to share our story for a special they are putting together about the ban to air on the nightly news. It was our Funnest interview yet as we bundled the kiddos up and went to a park and let the kids swing and play in the snow while we told our stories. He was a great interviewer and asked new question and brought up some new issues. It felt liberating to speak with him after having our kids. We didn't have to be so careful about what we said and how we felt about this whole situation. We had our kids and we did not have to fear that they would never be able to join our families. The truth is I'm outraged at this ban, I think it is absolutely disgusting and only harms the most innocent, vulnerable and helpless of God's children. If Russia's goal is to take care of their own orphans, that is a wonderful goal, but they should actually do it, not just talk about it. Then when they are taken care of and there is not a single orphanage remaining, then there will not be a need for international adoptions. Until they can prove that their country men and women will indeed step forward and provide loving homes for the children with special needs, please let us adopt them. They do not belong in institutions, they have so much more potential than is being offered to them. Their lives having meaning and value. Do not deny them their only chance at having the resources they need to excel in life.

We went right from that interview to another one with Reuters TV and print. The reporters were so great and also asked some great questions that got to the heart of why Becky and I am still speaking out to the press. Not only to share our happy ending and the hope that it beholds, but to advocate for the other families I this process and ultimately for children with special needs here in Russia and other parts of the world. We want to show the love and joy our adopted children, along with our biological children bring into our lives. To show the joy having a family brings into a child's life that has grown up without a mom and dad to call their own. Please join us in speaking out. Even if its just in response to a comment from someone here I the US that says we should only be adopting children from our country, or that bringing kids will special needs into our families is wrong because it just raises our taxes and medical care costs. Help them to see there is a human side to this, that these are human beings that are being tossed aside as if they don't matter. They do matter and they need us to stand up for them. When you see someone trying to do something good in the world, trying to make a difference, tell them you appreciate and recognize it. There are so many out there that take the time to spread hurt and unkind words, lets drown them out with the good we can do and say. This includes me, I need to do more to support those around me in their efforts to help and serve.

If you can't tell I'm very passionate about this, it all goes back to this mommy heart of mine. This has been a long difficult process, but now that I have my little girl it's all been worth it. Every sacrifice, if you can even call it a sacrifice because what we get out of having her in our life far outweighs all that we put into it. Thank you for your love and support. Thank you for loving little Jaymi, even before you met her. It means so much to us that she will be coming home to to many that prayed so hard for her. Now lets pray for her friends, the ones that were left behind, that they will get the same opportunities and love that awaits our girl.

New Life - Day 6 February 10th

Late last night I got a message from our new friends Renat and Elena inviting us to church with them today. They offered to come over early to help get the kids ready and take us with them via the metro. We hadn't really decided what the plan was for Sunday, but I decided that it would be a special experience to take Jaymi to her first ever church meeting right here in the city she was born in. So I wrote back telling them I was in!

When we got up and went in Becky's room it looked like she was going to die. Poor thing was so sick, so I told her to keep sleeping, the kids and I would go down to breakfast and hangout in my room. Then after seeing how sick she really was I asked if we could take Gabe with us to church so she could rest.

Breakfast went well, both kids were great! When we got back to the room we got the baths going. Wow it's been a while since I got two kids ready for church, good thing we had a couple hours to do it. It's even trickier here because after you get them ready, you then have to gear them up in their snow clothes. Pants, gloves, sweaters, extra socks, tights, scarves, hats and a coat. Then you have to book it outside before the kids start sweating to death. Thankfully Renat and Elena were there to help with that part. Of course in true little boy fashion, the second we get Gabe all decked out and ready to walk out the door he informs us he needs to go to the bathroom. Thankfully his little snow bibs unzip so we didn't have to completely undressed his cold gear layers. We had a good chuckle when they were unzipped and it looked like he was wearing a long brown dress. Of course he didn't have to go potty once we got him in the bathroom. At least we got a laugh out of it.

Who's ready to go to church?

As we were walking out the hotel lobby I told Elena we were being VERY brave. I would have to say taking two kids to their first three hour church meeting in a Russian speaking ward is probably the bravest thing I've done here ;). Thank goodness I had good help.

We walked a good 20 minutes to the metro stop. Gabe took about two steps and decided he wasn't walking anywhere, so Renat carried him the whole way. Jaymi walked more than half the way. I would carry her for a bit, switch hips, carry her a bit longer and then I had to set her down because my back was killing me. She is a heavy little girl. I was so proud of her for walking so far. I have even noticed an improvement in her gate over the last week. Gabe is a quick little guy and is a good example when it comes to gross motor skills. She has also improved her stair climbing skills with all the practice we get. She can walk up the using one foot per step where before she would step on each stair with both feet before moving on to the next one.

Once we made it to that infamous red "M" we headed inside to the worlds longest escalators. Vika was pretty scared going down so I held her close a kept telling her we were going to the choo choo. When the train pulled in it was apparent the kids were pretty nervous. Just like the first time Becky and I braved the metro a few weeks back. The car was pretty full but luckily we found seats. Trying to ride the metro standing should be an Olympic event!

When we started going the kids looked pretty freaked out so we started doing choo choo sounds and it didn't take long for them to join in. Every time it stopped they would start chanting choo choo and making their little train motions. It was too cute. There was a cute lady that across from us that was just so sweet with the kids. The three of us were just loving seeing the kids soak up their first time riding the world famous Moscow Metro. I'm glad they got to experience it. It was strange to me how just about everyone else on the train just kept up with their straight faced, blank stares ahead. I mean really, not even two of the worlds cutest kids having the time of their lives on their first choo choo ride doesn't make you smile? I just don't understand. At all. Then when it was time for our stop Gabe was not happy we were getting off the train and her threw a bit of a tantrum. At that point I thought, "Oh dear, what have I done?"  Luckily he was distracted and did well moving on to the next adventure.

Don't mind my closed eyes, Jaymi looks so cute.  Also notice the straight-faced people in the background.

When we got to the church building the first people we saw were the same sister missionaries we met our first week there. One of them talked that first week and what she spoke about really brought comfort to Becky and I. I pretty much cried through her whole talk as she spoke of how much our father in heaven loves us and is aware of us. Of course the kids ran up to them and gave them both hugs. They told us they had been praying for us and our children the whole month and were so glad to see that things worked out. I'm guessing that's why the kids hugged them, they knew they were part of the reason they were now with their mamas.

Being at that meeting felt like we had come full circle from where we were four weeks before. Then we were sitting in that chapel trying desperately to fight the fear that we may not return home with our children, to now feeling the pure love of Christ as these precious souls were sitting right there in the room next to me. I know Heavenly Father knew that is how it would end up and in his infinite wisdom he prompted that sister missionary to remind us of his love.

The kids were just awesome during the whole thing. They were the most well behaved kids there. I did teach Renat and Elena a very important lesson in church attendance with small children. It is a lesson I myself have recently learned with little Bryn. You feed them snacks for an hour straight. You can get about 30 minutes out of a serving of gold fish crackers and another 30 minutes out of fruit snacks, apple sauce packets and a drink. I like to try and get 15-25 seconds out of each piece of food, so that requires some creativity like the airplane to mouth maneuver or pretending you are going to eat it. Yes there is a science to it. Timing was perfect because it was right during lunch time.

They both also loved the hymns that we sung. Vika got a kick out of me signing "in Russian" as I made up my own words. The speakers were senior missionary couples from the states so it was all in English with a Russian interpreter this time, rather than vice versa. The sister talked about something that has been very near and dear to my heart over the past few weeks. I even wrote a journal entry in this very topic on the flight over to Russia. I'll have to post it on here later.

After sacrament I took the kids to primary. I figured they would love interacting with the other kids and hearing the stories if Jesus in Russian. Sadly when we got their the other kids didn't pay much attention to them. It did hurt my mama heart a little, but these two are so loving it didn't make them feel bad. They just kept being sweet and kind even though it didn't seem to be reciprocated. I'm guessing the kids had never seen children with Down syndrome before, so they didn't know how to react, engage with them, and I can't blame them for that. I hope they did have an impression on them and maybe some day they will look back on the two orphans that had parents chose them, because they are special too.

Like I said, Jaymi and Gabe were the best behaved in primary too. They sat quietly and listened to everything the teacher said. When she asked if someone would volunteer to say the opening prayer who was the only one to raise their hand? Mr. Gabe. Then when the next class began and the teacher asked for a volunteer to come up and say the prayer Jaymi hopped right up and stood by the teacher. Another girl came and said the prayer but the teacher was really cute with Jaymi and held her hands and made her feel included. To top if off and get me giggling uncontrollably the teacher asked for someone to come by her and read a scripture. Gabe jumped off my lap and sat down on hers and recited his little Christmas poem with the biggest smile on his cute little face. Another example of me being the only one getting a kick out of it while everyone else except the cute, kind teacher sitting straight faced. There is just such a culturally difference here that I have a hard time with. Part of me really wonders if its because of their Down syndrome. I hate to even think about it, but we have had a few instances when it's pretty obvious that is the case. It breaks my heart. These children are so precious and so so smart! But for everyone ad experience we have have twice as many good experiences where someone has gone out of their way to thank us, congratulate us and interact warmly with our kids. Thank goodness for the loving examples of these little ones to spread love rather than anger, because the mamma bear in me just wants to be just as rude back to people that look down on my daughter. She reminds me that it's love that teaches and changes the world, not anger and unkindness.

Thankfully we found a couple that drove out of their way to take us back to our hotel in their car so the kids didn't have to walk back from the metro. It worked out perfectly and was so much fun getting to spend another day with our friends and the kids getting to be surrounded by the Russian language.

To finish out the evening the kids and I got to visit with another adoptive mom Whitney in our region that is here picking up her cute little guy tomorrow. She was so kind to the kids and let them kid proof test her room and play with all the sweet toys she brought for her son. They had a great time once again enjoying the simple pleasures in this new life of theirs and letting me come along for the ride.

New Life - Day 5 February 9th

The kids were extra generous today and let us sleep in past 6:00 am and that was a treat indeed. We headed down to breakfast and had quite the party outside the elevator. There was a group of young flight attendants hanging out and when they saw the children then went wild. They kept saying how beautiful they were and jumped right over to us to give hugs and say hello. One guy jumped right up begging to let us give them a bag of gummy worms. The kids loved the positive attention. It was a great ice breaker for what they have coming their way once we get them home to all the loved ones that have been waiting to see them for a year! One of the ladies was from South Africa and she started to tear up when we told them we had just adopted them. She said she wished she could be their baby sitter. She said, "I don't usually like children but their is just something so special about these two. I can just feel their sweet spirits". Then when we came back up from breakfast they went wild again. It was really sweet. One if the men was a Russian-American and while we were at breakfast he told them all how difficult it is for Americans to adopt Russian children and about the new law prohibiting it. Our little ones are already leaving imprints on the hearts of people all over the world, and we haven't even left our hotel yet!

Munchin down on some gold fish crackers!  Wait till she sees the huge box of these babies we have at home!

Jaymi has been toting this hotel copy of the Book of Mormon around everywhere.  She is going to be quite the little missionary!

Gabe straight up told his mom to put Vika's pony tail holder in his hair.  When she tried to fix it he gave her the stomp an finger wave, he didn't want it messed with.

Hey had to go straight to the bathroom to check it out.

After breakfast we quickly had baths and got ready for another media interview. We met with the gentleman from the Associated Press that we spoke with on our second day here after the judge would not turn over our court decrees. It was so nice being able to share our happy ending with him as things were so unsure that first day. Before he left he said he was so glad that he got to report a happy ending because he was very worried for us after our first interview. He has been a reporter here in Russia for years and I'm sure he has had many experiences where things did not workout so favorably.

After naps we had two special visitors. First "Babushka Sally", their Russian grandmother. She is the American lady Becky and I stayed with last week. So not really Russian at all, but she does know a few words and has some serious hookups at Imylova market! She came with a bag of tricks that included Subway sandwiches for us mamas and a McDonalds happy meal for the kids to share. She even chose the healthy sides of carrot sticks and apples, such a responsible lady. Boy did the kids get a kick out of her! I think she just might be in the running for the World's Funnest Babushka! She was tickling, giving pony rides, providing a head of hair for brushing. It was just too fun.

Then our sweet friend Yulia came by, I just can't say enough good about her! She brought Vika the cutest little doll and Gabe a fun airplane toy and sandals from Finland. Vika was so excited when Yulia handed her the doll and helped her get it out of the packaging. I just loved watching her and Vika talk and interact. She was also nice enough to write up a list of Russian words I have been trying to learn and how to say them. We all hope she will be able to travel out west next time she comes to the US so we can take her skiing in Utah and show her where we live.

Sadly Becky has come down with something and was not feeling well. I ordered her right to bed for rest while the kids and I finished out the evening doing a couple tub loads of laundry to get us through the rest of our stay. I felt like pioneer, only thing missing was a wash board. Oh yes and I'm staying in a very comfortable hotel, so maybe not too much like pioneer. We had a blast playing with the bubbles, swirling the water and scrubbing the clothes.

Then the three of us headed out for a walk around the hotel. We checked out the overpriced souvenirs in the gift shop, the beautiful cakes and pastries in the bakery and said privet to anyone that would look at us. Our kids are just soaking up every experience here no matter how small and it just makes us smile. I can't wait to get home and show them the world awaiting them and the loved ones that have all contributed to bring them home!

Their Quilts

This past week as I have been privileged to spend day after day with this beautiful little soul has made me reflect on the children we left behind in her children's home. He friends, the only family she ever knew. I often think back on the last visit of our first trip to Russia. We walked Vika back up to her groupa and carried all the toys, books and activities we had brought with us to entertain her while we played. We were leaving them with her so her friends and she had some new things to play with. As we made the walk up the stairs the social worker explained to her that she was going to get to keep everything we had in the backpack.

When we got to the coat closet she hurriedly changed her clothes and shoes and grabbed everything she could fit into her hands (it reminded me of Gus Gus on Cinderella trying to carry all those orange marshmallow things. The door into here room swung open and we saw the kids sitting at the table doing something quietly. Vika ran in holding her spoils over head and let out the most excited DA!!! she could! The kids just went wild explaining Vika, Vika, Vika! She was so proud to share these newly acquired goods with her little friends. We only got to look in the room for about 20 seconds total. There was so much commotion going on but I will never forget making eye contact with a little blonde girl with the cutest chubby little cheeks that also has Down syndrome. Most of the children in Vikas children's home that I saw have a Down syndrome.

As we walked back to the car I tried to memorize her little face because I felt like she stuck out to me for a reason. I vowed then and there that after we got our little girl home safe and sound I would do everything I could to find out who she was, raise money for her and find her a good family.

When we got back to the states I looked up the a russian database of waiting children and looked over every picture of girls in Moscow City around the same age as Vika. I think I might have found her, but the picture is such poor quality that I couldn't tell for sure. So late one night when I was still suffering from jet lag I started brainstorming how I could figure out for sure if the girl I found was the same girl in Vikas orphanage. I had the idea to make some quilts for the children in her goupa for her to pass out to her friends personally when we picked her up on gotcha day. The next day i told wayne about me plan and kaelyn and bryn and i headed to the fabric store to pick out the brightest, cutest fabric we could find. This was going to be my big project over christmas break. I have thought about this little girl often over the past 7 months and when I found out about the new law banning Americans from adopting orphans my heart broke for this little girl. At the time we felt almost certain that we wouldn't be affected since we already passed court.

I spent the week before Christmas sewing the blankets and all the while sending out prayer after prayer for the children and families that would be affected by this horrible law. Horrible. I prayed and prayed that there would be a way made, that God would intervene and stop this from happening. That these innocent children would not be deprived of the chance of living with a loving family. I prayed and I cried, I prayed and I sewed, I prayed and I hugged my little girls at home extra tight. I could hardly eat or sleep. I needed to get these blankets done for her friends, because it may have been the only way I could show them how much they were loved, that they were not forgotten.

My plan was to spend a day quilting them at my grandma Ruth's house when we went out to visit my parents a couple days after Christmas. She has this amazing quilting machine that I wanted to use so they looked extra special. I did not scrimp on this project, I bought the best most beautiful fabric I could find. A few days after Christmas Wayne and I packed up the car to head out earlier than we planned to try and beat the winter storm that was coming. Everything was in the car ready to go, we were getting the girls changed and I saw I had a message on Facebook. It was from Becky Preece. When I read it my heart stopped. I could breathe. I couldn't speak. I looked at Wayne and he could immediately tell something was horribly wrong. I handed him the iPad, it was an article in the New York Times that quoted a Russian official saying that after January 1st, no Russian child will leave for America. Period.

The tears burned my cheeks like acid, it felt like someone reached inside my chest and ripped my heart out. Yes, it was that bad and even worse.

What were we suppose to do at that very moment? How were we suppose to get in a car, drive three hours and spend all day quilting blankets that we would never be able to deliver? To take with us to pick up the daughter we would never get to have. Just writing it hurts to think back on the heart break we felt. How could this be happening, after all we had already been through, how? Why?

In those first moments I knew we had to go. We had to be surrounded by loved ones. I couldn't give up now. Completing those quilts was an act of faith on my part that I wasn't giving up. That I knew that we were following Gods plan for our family and he wasn't going to leave us now. Please Lord, don't leave us now.

So we went, and we quilted for 13 hours straight. Thanks to the help of family we got them all done in one day. All the while keeping the hot tears bottled in. Everyone asking if this new law would affect us, we just said we don't know. I just kept telling myself I was going to deliver these quilts, no matter what. That's how I kept going, my quilts.

After everything that went on my blanket delivery didn't go as planned. We picked Jaymi up at nap time so we just left the quilts with the orphanage staff. I have since asked to get a picture of her groupa with their blankets for a book I'm putting together with all the pictures we have of her children's home. I don't want her to forget her friends there. When I get the picture I will cross check it with the database and find the little girl in my mind. The one I promised to find a family for. I will never give up on her. I won't give up on any of the children with special needs locked away in Russia. Hidden. They are precious and they deserve so much more. No child anywhere should be raised in an institution. Never. I will be their voice in any capacity I am given.

A letter from Papa

Dear Jaymi,

I have spent the past year thinking about tomorrow.  The thoughts have included fear, uncertainty, joy, and excitement.  But the past 5 1/2 weeks of waiting have been the hardest as your new Mama has been in your country working tirelessly to get you home. You are so lucky to have a Mama that has spent her whole life preparing to be a mother. I love her so much and know that she has been prepared to care for you, Kaelyn, Bryn, and maybe some others :-)  She is such a good mom and wife and I'm so happy that we have her.

Luckily, I have been able to video chat with you and Mama just about everyday. Every time I see your smiling face, you blowing me kisses, and leaning up and kissing the phone, all the fears and concerns disappear. I get so excited to see you in person and it gives me the energy that I need to push through another day.

I've reflected many times on the visits we have had together and the bonds that we have already made. Be sure that it melted Papa's heart when you wanted to play basketball more than anything else during a couple of those visits.  But, the thing that completely melted my heart was on my last visit with you.  I hadn't seen you for over a month and we were waiting in the room for you to come see us. As soon as you walked in the door you locked eyes with me and ran right to me with your arms outstretched to give me the biggest hug. I will never forget the pure joy that filled my soul as we hugged. It was very similar to the same joy that came when both your sisters were born. I am certain that the joy will be even greater when I get to hug you when you arrive home.

The journey to get you home has been long, and at times difficult, but generally good. I have learned so much, but most importantly to trust in God, His plan, and His timeline.  As good as it's been though, I'm ready for the journey of getting you home to be over and to have you here with your eternal family.

I love you and can't wait to start our new journey as a family!!!