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I Love You

Dear Jaymi Viktoria,

These last few weeks have been very hard because your country has passed a law banning US adoptions of Russian children.  We are still not sure how/if this law affects us.  Your dad and I have tried our best to stay positive, prayerful and hopeful.  I haven't prayed this hard for anything since your little sister Kaelyn was very sick in the hospital.

This is what I wrote on facebook yesterday:

"As of this morning, I'm leaving for Russia, by myself, on Sunday. Wayne is finishing up his last class of his MBA and can't leave now. Things are still very much up in the air, but I want/need to be there, so if the opportunity becomes available to bring our girl home, I will be there. We are so grateful for all your prayers and thoughts and would love if you will keep them coming. This is very much a leap of faith on our part, probably the biggest yet and we need The Lord to prepare the way before us. Lets pray our little girl home!"

I woke up early yesterday morning and felt this sense of urgency that I needed to go to Russia as soon as possible.  Even after it looked like that wouldn't be possible, I just couldn't kick that feeling.  Then a few hours later it was looking possible and I made the needed arrangements to leave.  By the end of day I was all packed and ready to go.  I am praying that Heavenly Father will watch over me as I travel and that things will be in order to bring you home.  I'm so lucky that another family, adopting a cute little guy also with Down syndrome from the same city, will be traveling this week.  I'm so excited to finally meet them and have support while in country alone.  

There are so many people praying for you and us, I know Heavenly Father has not forgotten our pleas and will do all in his power to bring us together.

Your Christmas Angel ornament hanging on our Christmas tree.  There  have been people praying for you to find a family for years.

This is the first picture of you we ever saw, the one that said, "I'm your's, come get me"

Over Christmas break I made 20 little quilts, with the help of family, to bring to your orphanage to leave with your friends.  It was a very spiritual experience sewing those quilts and thinking of all the beautiful children with special needs that may never have a chance to live with a family.  It took a lot of faith for me to continue making them as I was in the middle of them when we found out about the law in Russia and that we may never be able to go back.  I just kept telling myself that I was going to deliver those blankets, I just had too.  Well deliver them I will, they are packed and ready to go with me this weekend.  

Thats me, working a way.

Dad and little sisters being very patient at the fabric store.  

Your great-grandma Ruth working away.  She is the very person that taught me how to sew and inspires me to keep doing it.  She inspires me to keep doing a lot of things and she CANNOT wait to meet you!

Little sister Bryn wanted to be part of the excitement and send her love to  your friends.

Uncle Ryan and cousin Shane were pro's on the quilting machine.  Grandma LaJean helped tie lots of knots of love into each quilt.

The quilts on the left are all packed and ready to go in their vacuum sealed bags.

Making these quilts is one of my most favorite Christmas projects yet.  Maybe we will have to make it tradition.

I'm coming little girl and I assure you I will do everything I can to bring you home.  I will be buoyed up by the strength and power of prayers of many who are concerned for us.  This past year has been an incredible journey, with many ups and downs, failures and triumphs, fears and miracles.  It has opened my eyes to so much, for that I am so grateful, so determined to change the world, one day at a time, in any way the Lord needs me.  

I love you,

Love Mommy

Calm

Dear Jaymi Viktoria,

I may never truly know the reason behind the failure of our first court date and the week we spent in despair believing that we would never be able to bring your home, never see you again.  I can however speculate, and focus on the good that I have seen come from those times of trial and sadness.  The most important to me being the single, short hour and a half visit we had with you on our last trip.  We waited for you in a small office while you finished juice time with your group.  You walked in with a big smile on your face and ran to daddy and gave him a big hug and let him hold you and tickle you.   In that short visit, this mama's heart was calmed and many fears of bringing you home were washed away.  A confirmation that you were ours, you were always meant to be ours and you will always be our little girl.  I cannot tell you how much I needed that.  Thank you for showing me the way little love.  In 36 days we will pick you up from your children's home, dress you in your very own new clothes, walk with you hand in hand outside those gates and bring you home forever.  There is a great big world full of lots of love awaiting you.  Two small little girls at home that will be your best friends forever.  It may be a little bit late, but you will be the BEST, most very SPECIAL Christmas gift our family will ever receive.  See you soon, we are counting the days, the hours, the minutes!

Love Mommy

She's Ours!

Introducing Miss Jaymi Viktoria Bonner!  

Our court hearing went very well!  It was a very special day to hear the judge say that she granted our petition to adopt Viktoria.  We still haven't decided what we will call her, but her nickname is Vika (Vee-Ka) and she goes by that now.  We are so so happy to call her OUR DAUGHTER!  We will go back in January to bring her home forever.  In the mean time we will get everything ready for her to join our family.  Thanks for all your prayers, they were answered!

National Adoption Month

I did not want this month to pass by without writing a post in honor of November being National Adoption Month.  It still feels almost unreal that we are nearing the end of this process, that we ever even began this process.  Our adoption is very different from what I envisioned adoption in general being, before we began this journey.  Adoption is hard.  Plain and simple.  It's scary and at times painful.  It requires sacrifice and immense patience.  It's humbling and at times heart wrenching.  Like anything of great value in this life, it is worth all of it.  It changes the way you see the world.  We have seen so much good come from this experience, so much love and support from those around us and even complete strangers.  They have helped to lift us up when things got hard.  Kind words, letters in the mail with sweet notes and donations, neighbor children selling candy after school and bringing us their profits because they want Victoria home so they can play with her.  So humbling.  It has increased our desire to give of ourselves, our means and our love to other because of the beautiful examples we have seen step forward to help us.  We are not the only ones sacrificing to bring this little girl home.  So many of you are helping to make this all possible and we will forever be indebted to you for your contributions.   Thank you for your kindness, thank you for your love.  Adoption truly is love, a kind of love we had never experienced until now.  A love that reminds us that we are all God's children and that he loves each of us, no matter our circumstance.  I see him smiling down on us when we work together to make wonderful things happen in the lives of his children.  I feel privileged to be on this journey.

If anyone reading this is considering undertaking adoption of this kind, my advice would be to remember that you will not be alone.  There are so many people out there that will step forward and support you if you give them a chance.  People want to help, the just need to be given the opportunity.  Let God lead you through this process and trust that he will not leave you alone in such an endeavor.  I know we will need his help even more once we get Victoria home, to help us all transition in our new life together, and I know without a shadow of a doubt that he will help us through it.  No, adoption is not easy, I knew it wouldn't be, and it is even harder than I thought it would be, but it is even more rewarding than I could have imagined.  It has forever changed me for the better, it has taught me eternal lessons that I would have missed out on if I pushed away the promptings I had almost a year ago.

When I wake up we will be heading out on our third trip to Victoria's country.  We will go before the judge again and pray that all is in order for our hearing to proceed and that we can finally plead our case for adopting this precious little girl.  We would love if you will join us in prayer that all will go smoothly.  Can't wait to see Victoria again, watch the video below and you will see why, she is amazing.

The Details

Dear Victoria,

I was just going to write this particular experience down in my journal, but I decided that it needs to be on your blog.  I don't want to forget it, because I'm certain I will need to look back on it at another time and remember it.

A week and a half ago was fast and testimony meeting at church.  We have this meeting the first Sunday of every week and during our Sacrament meeting anyone can go up and bare their testimony.  We were fasting for you and our adoption and all day I had been thinking about some things related to that.  About the lessons that I have learned about faith and trust in God throughout this past year.  As I sat in the meeting I felt like I was suppose to get up and say a few things.  I wasn't quite sure what I should say, but I just felt like someone there needed to hear something I had to say.  The prompting was so strong I couldn't push it away and I walked to the front of the chapel.  I began by saying that I didn't know what I was suppose to say and just hoped that the spirit would prompt me as I spoke.

I don't remember a lot of what I said, but I'll write down what I do remember.  I said that even though we didn't know what was going to happen at this point in our adoption I just felt such peace in knowing that it was in Heavenly Father's hands.  That I had learned so much about the power of faith and prayer in our lives.  That many of the things we do are guided and led by Heavenly Father and that we need to trust that he will provide a way.  I wish I could remember more...

This was before some major things started to unfold in our case, before I had any idea of what news was coming our way in the following days.  During the following week, as we became aware of what was going on my heart began to break.  I had to constantly remind myself to TRUST IN GOD and remember that we are in his hands.  That you are in his hands.  That whatever was best for you would happen.  It was very scary and confusing and I wish I could say I did not let my faith waver, but it did at times.  When those moments of uncertainty and fear began to set in I would think back to the prior Sunday, to my testimony.  It didn't take long to know that the things I said then were for me to hear.  So that when the testing and trial came, I could remember how I felt, what I believed.  By saying them out loud, in front of my friends and neighbors, they were etched in my mind even more that they would have been if I had kept them inside.  There were times I would think, "Why did I get up and say that, things were so simple at that moment and now they are so complicated".  I was almost mad at myself for saying them, but then a loving Heavenly Father wrapped his arms around me and reminded me that I said them because they were true.  He has proven to us so many times this past year that he is here and that we can trust him.

I will forever look back on this experience and know, truly know that he is in "the details of our lives", no matter how BIG or small they may be.   That he will answer prayers and heal our hearts.  Our plane tickets are booked, new visa's are ordered, we will be on our way to you in 2 1/2 weeks!  I'm so excited to see you!

Love Mommy

The Biggest Miracle Yet

Dearest Victoria,

This past week has been incredibly difficult.  One of the hardest weeks of my life.  I haven't told you a lot of what has been going on since we left you last, its been very complicated and got more and more complicated each day. It was starting to look like we were no longer going to be able to bring you home, ever.  In fact it would truly take a miracle for things to change, they were almost certain.  Oh how my heart ached, it was so much like when my daughter Kaelyn was so sick and we didn't know if she would be able to survive.  I was so sad, so very sad.  I kept reminding myself to trust in Heavenly Father and in his plan for you and us, but it was so hard.

This morning I got up very early to go exercise and when I got home I was in the shower thinking about things.  I wanted so badly to picture things working out the way we have always hoped, but it truly felt insurmountable.  I wouldn't let myself go there because I knew it would make the news I had started to expect, that we would have to let you go, even more devastating   While I was in the shower we received a call from our agency, the minute I got out your dad came and gave me a big hug with a smile on his face.  Yes, YOUR DAD.  The releases for us to adopt you were signed today, we will be going back to court in a few weeks, this time with all the necessary paperwork.

There is so much more to this story, more than I feel able to share on your blog at this time, but eventually I will. You are so loved little girl, so very loved.  If I have learned anything from this heart-wrenching experience it's how much I love you, how much your daddy loves you.  The thought of never seeing you again, not having you as part of our family was almost too much to bare.  It took us to a very sad place.  I will cherish you even more now than I could have ever before this.  There is no doubt in my mind that this has come about due to many answered prayers.  God is working miracles, its true.  He loves you and he loves us.  He loves all his children, more than we will ever know.  Today is a very special day.

Love Mommy