What it means to be a kid

A year ago when Wayne and I were completing the adoption education course we learned about a number of issues that institutionalized children come out of the orphanage with. There are so many behaviors that are learned growing up in that environment that are detrimental to their development. Even those that come from the best orphanages have behaviors that a child raised in a loving home would not have.

Each day has been a learning experience for Jaymi and I. She is learning what a mother is and it's very clear she loves having a mommy. I am learning how to be a mommy to a little girl that has lived her whole life without knowing there are mommies in the world. She is trying to navigate through this new found freedom as I try and show her the way. My little girl is too perfect. Really it sounds silly, but she has been on such a strict regimen with many rules, that she doesn't know how to be a kid. As the doctor at the exit medical put it, orphanage life is like the marine core, there are vey strict rules and consequences. How else can so few people take care of so many children at once. So our learning process the past week has looked a little something like this.

Vika - "is this okay to do."
Mama - "yes Vika, that's fine"
V - "what about this?"
M - "yep, that's okay too"
V - "okay, what about this?"
M - "no, that is not okay"
V - "are you sure, maybe I'll try again"
M - "no, nyet, that is dangerous"
V - "I don't understand why, so I'm doing it again"
M - "no, no no. Come sit on my lap why I try my best to help you see I mean no. That is dangerous and scary and it can't be done"
V - "okay, I won't do it"
M - "yay Vika!!! Good job, maladietz, horoshow, bolshoi Vika, big girl". I'm a firm believer in positive reinforcements. Even if I only have three Russian versions, I use them with lots of exclamation marks, hugs and smiles.

Becky and I had a good late night laugh the other day about how our kids are so patient with us trying to communicate with them with the few Russian words we know and say incorrectly and the motions we make. I said I probably look like a monkey half the time oooo oohing and ahhh ahhh anhing all over the place. We are ALL learning more and more patients, that's for sure.

It seems to be working, but their are six years of lost time we have to learn about together, so it will take time, and patients and help from heaven, but it will workout. She is such an amazing, loving, beautiful little girl. She has been on cloud nine just living in a hotel room for a week, she has no idea how much better this life gets! I can't wait to be there to witness it all! The world is your canvas little one, you have already painted the most beautiful picture with what you were given. It will only get bigger and brighter from here.

Facebook Post from February 9, 2013.   "I just woke up from a deep sleep, just hours after I drifted off and this song came to my mind. I haven't heard or thought about this song since before I was a mom, probably not since high school. As I listened to it the tears began to stream down my face as I reflect on the past week and the sacred experience I've had of watching these two precious children absolutely embrace their new found freedom to simply "be a kid". When getting Jaymi ready for bed last night I gave her a hug, looked into her big beautiful eyes and told her, "Part of having a mom means you have some one to help you everyday, so if you need help, I'm here for you." Even though she doesn't understand what I'm saying yet, I knew at that moment she knew what I said. Her face lit up, she hugged me back and she let me help her zip up her Jammie's."

I can remember when you fit in the palm of my hand
Felt so good in it, no bigger than a minute
How it amazes me, you're changing with every blink
Faster than a flower blooms they grow up all too soon

So let them be little 'cause they're only that way for a while
Give them hope, give them praise, give them love every day
Let them cry, let them giggle, let them sleep in the middle
Oh just let them be little

I've never felt so much in one little tender touch
I live for those kisses, prayers and your wishes
Now that you're teaching me things only a child can see
Every night while we're on our knees all I ask is please

Let them be little 'cause they're only that way for a while
Give them hope, give them praise, give them love every day
Let them cry, let them giggle, let them sleep in the middle
Oh just let them be little

So innocent, a precious soul, you turn around
It's time to let them go

So let them be little 'cause they're only that way for a while
Give them hope, give them praise, give them love every day
Let them cry, let them giggle, let them sleep in the middle
Oh just let them be little

Let them be little