This past week as I have been privileged to spend day after day with this beautiful little soul has made me reflect on the children we left behind in her children's home. He friends, the only family she ever knew. I often think back on the last visit of our first trip to Russia. We walked Vika back up to her groupa and carried all the toys, books and activities we had brought with us to entertain her while we played. We were leaving them with her so her friends and she had some new things to play with. As we made the walk up the stairs the social worker explained to her that she was going to get to keep everything we had in the backpack.
When we got to the coat closet she hurriedly changed her clothes and shoes and grabbed everything she could fit into her hands (it reminded me of Gus Gus on Cinderella trying to carry all those orange marshmallow things. The door into here room swung open and we saw the kids sitting at the table doing something quietly. Vika ran in holding her spoils over head and let out the most excited DA!!! she could! The kids just went wild explaining Vika, Vika, Vika! She was so proud to share these newly acquired goods with her little friends. We only got to look in the room for about 20 seconds total. There was so much commotion going on but I will never forget making eye contact with a little blonde girl with the cutest chubby little cheeks that also has Down syndrome. Most of the children in Vikas children's home that I saw have a Down syndrome.
As we walked back to the car I tried to memorize her little face because I felt like she stuck out to me for a reason. I vowed then and there that after we got our little girl home safe and sound I would do everything I could to find out who she was, raise money for her and find her a good family.
When we got back to the states I looked up the a russian database of waiting children and looked over every picture of girls in Moscow City around the same age as Vika. I think I might have found her, but the picture is such poor quality that I couldn't tell for sure. So late one night when I was still suffering from jet lag I started brainstorming how I could figure out for sure if the girl I found was the same girl in Vikas orphanage. I had the idea to make some quilts for the children in her goupa for her to pass out to her friends personally when we picked her up on gotcha day. The next day i told wayne about me plan and kaelyn and bryn and i headed to the fabric store to pick out the brightest, cutest fabric we could find. This was going to be my big project over christmas break. I have thought about this little girl often over the past 7 months and when I found out about the new law banning Americans from adopting orphans my heart broke for this little girl. At the time we felt almost certain that we wouldn't be affected since we already passed court.
I spent the week before Christmas sewing the blankets and all the while sending out prayer after prayer for the children and families that would be affected by this horrible law. Horrible. I prayed and prayed that there would be a way made, that God would intervene and stop this from happening. That these innocent children would not be deprived of the chance of living with a loving family. I prayed and I cried, I prayed and I sewed, I prayed and I hugged my little girls at home extra tight. I could hardly eat or sleep. I needed to get these blankets done for her friends, because it may have been the only way I could show them how much they were loved, that they were not forgotten.
My plan was to spend a day quilting them at my grandma Ruth's house when we went out to visit my parents a couple days after Christmas. She has this amazing quilting machine that I wanted to use so they looked extra special. I did not scrimp on this project, I bought the best most beautiful fabric I could find. A few days after Christmas Wayne and I packed up the car to head out earlier than we planned to try and beat the winter storm that was coming. Everything was in the car ready to go, we were getting the girls changed and I saw I had a message on Facebook. It was from Becky Preece. When I read it my heart stopped. I could breathe. I couldn't speak. I looked at Wayne and he could immediately tell something was horribly wrong. I handed him the iPad, it was an article in the New York Times that quoted a Russian official saying that after January 1st, no Russian child will leave for America. Period.
The tears burned my cheeks like acid, it felt like someone reached inside my chest and ripped my heart out. Yes, it was that bad and even worse.
What were we suppose to do at that very moment? How were we suppose to get in a car, drive three hours and spend all day quilting blankets that we would never be able to deliver? To take with us to pick up the daughter we would never get to have. Just writing it hurts to think back on the heart break we felt. How could this be happening, after all we had already been through, how? Why?
In those first moments I knew we had to go. We had to be surrounded by loved ones. I couldn't give up now. Completing those quilts was an act of faith on my part that I wasn't giving up. That I knew that we were following Gods plan for our family and he wasn't going to leave us now. Please Lord, don't leave us now.
So we went, and we quilted for 13 hours straight. Thanks to the help of family we got them all done in one day. All the while keeping the hot tears bottled in. Everyone asking if this new law would affect us, we just said we don't know. I just kept telling myself I was going to deliver these quilts, no matter what. That's how I kept going, my quilts.
After everything that went on my blanket delivery didn't go as planned. We picked Jaymi up at nap time so we just left the quilts with the orphanage staff. I have since asked to get a picture of her groupa with their blankets for a book I'm putting together with all the pictures we have of her children's home. I don't want her to forget her friends there. When I get the picture I will cross check it with the database and find the little girl in my mind. The one I promised to find a family for. I will never give up on her. I won't give up on any of the children with special needs locked away in Russia. Hidden. They are precious and they deserve so much more. No child anywhere should be raised in an institution. Never. I will be their voice in any capacity I am given.
When we got to the coat closet she hurriedly changed her clothes and shoes and grabbed everything she could fit into her hands (it reminded me of Gus Gus on Cinderella trying to carry all those orange marshmallow things. The door into here room swung open and we saw the kids sitting at the table doing something quietly. Vika ran in holding her spoils over head and let out the most excited DA!!! she could! The kids just went wild explaining Vika, Vika, Vika! She was so proud to share these newly acquired goods with her little friends. We only got to look in the room for about 20 seconds total. There was so much commotion going on but I will never forget making eye contact with a little blonde girl with the cutest chubby little cheeks that also has Down syndrome. Most of the children in Vikas children's home that I saw have a Down syndrome.
As we walked back to the car I tried to memorize her little face because I felt like she stuck out to me for a reason. I vowed then and there that after we got our little girl home safe and sound I would do everything I could to find out who she was, raise money for her and find her a good family.
When we got back to the states I looked up the a russian database of waiting children and looked over every picture of girls in Moscow City around the same age as Vika. I think I might have found her, but the picture is such poor quality that I couldn't tell for sure. So late one night when I was still suffering from jet lag I started brainstorming how I could figure out for sure if the girl I found was the same girl in Vikas orphanage. I had the idea to make some quilts for the children in her goupa for her to pass out to her friends personally when we picked her up on gotcha day. The next day i told wayne about me plan and kaelyn and bryn and i headed to the fabric store to pick out the brightest, cutest fabric we could find. This was going to be my big project over christmas break. I have thought about this little girl often over the past 7 months and when I found out about the new law banning Americans from adopting orphans my heart broke for this little girl. At the time we felt almost certain that we wouldn't be affected since we already passed court.
I spent the week before Christmas sewing the blankets and all the while sending out prayer after prayer for the children and families that would be affected by this horrible law. Horrible. I prayed and prayed that there would be a way made, that God would intervene and stop this from happening. That these innocent children would not be deprived of the chance of living with a loving family. I prayed and I cried, I prayed and I sewed, I prayed and I hugged my little girls at home extra tight. I could hardly eat or sleep. I needed to get these blankets done for her friends, because it may have been the only way I could show them how much they were loved, that they were not forgotten.
My plan was to spend a day quilting them at my grandma Ruth's house when we went out to visit my parents a couple days after Christmas. She has this amazing quilting machine that I wanted to use so they looked extra special. I did not scrimp on this project, I bought the best most beautiful fabric I could find. A few days after Christmas Wayne and I packed up the car to head out earlier than we planned to try and beat the winter storm that was coming. Everything was in the car ready to go, we were getting the girls changed and I saw I had a message on Facebook. It was from Becky Preece. When I read it my heart stopped. I could breathe. I couldn't speak. I looked at Wayne and he could immediately tell something was horribly wrong. I handed him the iPad, it was an article in the New York Times that quoted a Russian official saying that after January 1st, no Russian child will leave for America. Period.
The tears burned my cheeks like acid, it felt like someone reached inside my chest and ripped my heart out. Yes, it was that bad and even worse.
What were we suppose to do at that very moment? How were we suppose to get in a car, drive three hours and spend all day quilting blankets that we would never be able to deliver? To take with us to pick up the daughter we would never get to have. Just writing it hurts to think back on the heart break we felt. How could this be happening, after all we had already been through, how? Why?
In those first moments I knew we had to go. We had to be surrounded by loved ones. I couldn't give up now. Completing those quilts was an act of faith on my part that I wasn't giving up. That I knew that we were following Gods plan for our family and he wasn't going to leave us now. Please Lord, don't leave us now.
So we went, and we quilted for 13 hours straight. Thanks to the help of family we got them all done in one day. All the while keeping the hot tears bottled in. Everyone asking if this new law would affect us, we just said we don't know. I just kept telling myself I was going to deliver these quilts, no matter what. That's how I kept going, my quilts.
After everything that went on my blanket delivery didn't go as planned. We picked Jaymi up at nap time so we just left the quilts with the orphanage staff. I have since asked to get a picture of her groupa with their blankets for a book I'm putting together with all the pictures we have of her children's home. I don't want her to forget her friends there. When I get the picture I will cross check it with the database and find the little girl in my mind. The one I promised to find a family for. I will never give up on her. I won't give up on any of the children with special needs locked away in Russia. Hidden. They are precious and they deserve so much more. No child anywhere should be raised in an institution. Never. I will be their voice in any capacity I am given.
Have I ever told you that you are amazing?? Well, you are! I wish we wouldn't have been sick so we could have come and helped with the blankets. :) They turned out beautiful!!!
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful post! I bet those sweet children have LOVED those beautiful blankets from them moment they snuggled one! I hope that the ladies told them where they came from and that the children will remember Jaymi and how sweet she is! My heart sank as well when I heard about the ban. We prayed extensively on your guys behalf and I am so grateful that the Lord answered our prayers. Perhaps if we keep praying a window will be open...that's what happens when a door closes, right!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing! I sure hope Jaymi is adjusting well and that she is LOVING every minute of it! Much love!
So glad you were able to delivery the quilts. What a beautiful gift for all the children to have. I purchased a doll tonight for Natasha as my act of faith. It looks just like her and I know she will love it when she comes home :) Thanks for reminding me to keep on having faith.
ReplyDelete